Communication and interpersonal expert Steve Nakamoto knows what women want and can answer many other questions that concern them. He tells how to weed out unsuitable candidates and make the right choice.

Honest male look: personal life will not work out if you choose the wrong partner. In addition to mutual attraction, you need to consider other factors in order to understand whether a person is suitable or not suitable for you for a long-term relationship. Before succumbing to emotions, be sure to assess the psychological maturity of the prospective partner, your compatibility, the degree of mutual attraction and the possibility of personal development. Otherwise, you will encounter relationships that will not suit him or you.

A wise woman will prefer a winner to a loser if she wants to have every chance of success in a love relationship. Of course, there are many more subtle variables that can be taken into account when choosing a leader in any given situation, but nevertheless, men have some common features, the presence of which, most likely, will lead to a complete failure in a relationship. It is these traits that you must distinguish in the first place, so as not to waste time on someone who will not become a winner for you.

Separate the winners from the losers

Thanks to the convenience and popularity of online dating, some women date more seemingly decent men than ever before. After all, it is not at all difficult for a man to create an attractive profile and maintain a pleasant conversation in real time. A wise woman who is looking for true love understands that on the basis of such communication it is very difficult to determine who is in front of her - a winner or a loser.

About this, a girl recently wrote to me about this: “What does it mean when a guy says that he likes me, but he does not feel a spark? A young man with whom I have been dating for several months, at the very beginning of our relationship, said that we had a strong attraction to each other, and now he says that this is nonsense. What does he mean? Does he like me or not?"

Very often a woman, describing her affair, asks me if the man she is dating is interested in her. Of course, assessing a man's interest in a woman is paramount, but every time I remind my readers that it is equally important to determine whether a given man is suitable for a particular woman.

By assessing whether a man is genuinely interested in you and whether he is a good match, you are more likely to not fall in love with the wrong person and ultimately avoid disappointments and relationship failures.

Don't count on people changing - especially men!

Avoiding the wrong candidates is no easy task. Because most of us are so hopeful of love and so rarely meet potential lovers along the way, many of us are eager to take advantage of almost every romantic opportunity that comes our way.

A few years ago I was introduced to a nice girl who was fourteen years younger than me. I remember once I heard her say to a friend: "Steve is a great guy, he has so much to offer." This was especially true of the young people who surrounded her. But it didn't take long for her to see me in a better light—a mature, calm, financially secure person.

During the “honeymoon” of our communication, it seemed to her that I was the embodiment of the best male qualities. But after a month, this young lady began to perceive me very differently. My "maturity" began to remind her of the behavior of "daddy". I was no longer "calm", but "lazy, old and tired." And "financial stability" has turned into "stinginess" and "pursuit of money."

Looking back, I can say that the difference in age, interests and life goals made me a failed candidate for this girl. Not surprisingly, after two months of communication, we broke up.

Avoid Unsuitable Candidates

It is important to remember that people rarely change. Therefore, it is wiser to evaluate your potential partner based more on who he is at the moment, and not on what he will become in the future. Due to the very nature of romantic relationships, we easily get carried away and rush into the abyss of momentary passion, not paying attention to such important points in the long run as compatibility and the possibility of personal development. But wise women carefully evaluate these aspects at the beginning of the game, before they become imbued with serious feelings for a man. In this way, a long-term relationship with the wrong person can be avoided.

Beware of men with bad habits. If your intended partner is chronically addicted to drugs, alcohol, or gambling, the smart thing to do is to avoid romantic contact with them. Bad habits rule the life of a person and the lives of those who are close to him. Many women have already acquired this painful experience by wasting time, energy, feelings on unworthy candidates.

Avoid men with serious character flaws. Character is the foundation of every personality. It is the result of hundreds of decisions made that gradually made a person what he is now. Today, many women are increasingly meeting men with obvious character flaws, which, of course, cannot serve as a reliable support for love. Character is something that is formed over a long time, and it is very difficult to change it. Therefore, a wise woman would rather avoid intimate association with men who have obvious character flaws than try to correct them.

Walk past men who have no ambition. For many women, this feature does not seem to be such a big disadvantage as others. But at the same time, a woman quickly gets tired of a man who does not know ambition. Without striving for anything, such a man does not particularly care about the material well-being of the family, which is an important cause of stress in relationships. A wise woman must distinguish a man who is in harmony with himself, from a man who is simply lazy and unmotivated, who in time will surely get bored with her.

Don't date men who don't turn you on. In a romantic relationship, there is no substitute for attraction or physical attraction. If the attraction never comes, it is better to refuse further rapprochement. Otherwise, you will be mired in a relationship without passion that will not satisfy either partner.

Say "No!" mean men. Women are often stumped by men who show affection one moment and hostility the next. Many women in the early stages of a relationship focus on the positives and turn a blind eye to the negatives. When you communicate with a two-faced man, sooner or later he will direct his aggression towards you.

Evaluate men in terms of their communication. For many women, this is a difficult task. For some reason, they want to believe that her lover is not at all like his buddies. But, most likely, he just wants to seem better. In fact, he certainly looks like his friends in many ways. Keep this in mind, instead of relying entirely on his "advertising image".

Avoid men who absolutely do not harmonize with your personality. Some people just don't seem to be able to get along. Instead of complementing and mutually supporting each other, they quarrel over various trifles and find only the worst sides in each other. If you find yourself in such a difficult situation, soberly assess the situation. Don't make the mistake of trying to mend the relationship, for example by going out married for the person who constantly upsets you.

Beware of extreme differences in lifestyle. The way we live is manifested in the clothes we wear, the music we listen to, the things we buy, the food we eat, the words we say, the dreams we strive for, the friends we choose, the activities to which we devote our free time. If you want to connect with someone life, it is wise to find a partner who shares your habits and views. People whose way of life differs from ours undoubtedly add color and variety, but, as a rule, communication and friendship with these people have to be limited.

Be able to recognize potential value conflicts. Values ​​such as courage, love, honesty, and family are ideals for which we have the utmost respect. When two people don't share common values, they often upset each other. For example, I was told about one woman who complained that her husband was constantly getting drunk with his boyfriends instead of doing something more suitable for a family man. Such conflicts of responsibility and entertainment are long brewing and often hidden until they develop into deep resentment. A woman who is looking for a new partner should avoid men who clearly do not share her values. Values, which are, in fact, deeply rooted priorities, can only change under the influence of very serious circumstances.

Stay away from men with unclear goals in a relationship. It is easy to fall for the bait of a man who claims that he loves children, but shows this love only in relation to other people's babies. A wise woman must distinguish between just talking about marriage and family and real commitment. True, some men openly say that they do not intend to start a family, and do not hide their aspirations for other goals. But a woman may fall into the delusion that such a person will change over time, and later discover that in fact his views on personal life have long been firmly established. A wise woman carefully evaluates a man's life priorities and only continues the relationship if their goals coincide. Men who are ready to meet only from time to time are suitable for women with the same aspirations. As practice shows, it is useless in most cases to expect a person to change.

Comprehensively evaluating candidates for the role of a permanent partner, a wise woman will choose the man who has the highest chances of bringing victory to their love relationship. This requires, first of all, weeding out the obvious losers.

Decide right now what you don't want

Try to think of men in your life who fit the descriptions in this chapter. Perhaps you met with some of them for a long time, you just know someone, your friends talked to someone, and someone is a world-famous person: a politician, athlete, musician, TV presenter or film actor.

The most important mistake most men make is to combine colorful clothes with the same accessories. Focus on one thing, for example, plain clothes can be combined with a colorful tie, shoes or a hat. If you want to wear a bright shirt, then all other components of your image should be plain.

Official accessories must not be worn with sportswear or casual wear. You should not wear the same tie with a business tweed suit and linen summer. The same applies to the choice of shoes, briefcase, belt.

Monitor the condition of your belongings, mercilessly parting with those that have acquired an untidy and shabby look. A man who wants to look brilliant must wear perfect things. Worn-out shoes, a stained tie, a frayed belt or a briefcase that has lost its shape will spoil the look of any member of the stronger sex.

Even the most perfect look can be spoiled by an ineptly tied tie. Therefore, try to learn different tie knots, especially since it is not so difficult. Pay attention to the quality and length of the tie, which is considered ideal when its end reaches the buckle on the belt.

Remember that open shoes, under no circumstances, should be worn over socks. If wearing shoes on bare feet is not suitable for you, and you don’t want to wear tight shoes in hot weather, then opt for other light types of shoes. For example, it can be sneakers with perforations or thin lightweight moccasins.

The right choice of men's accessories

Stylists do not advise getting carried away with too bright details. One or two bright monochrome accessories are enough to be noticeable and stylish, but not to look like a clown.

Be sure to consider the features of your appearance when choosing a color. For example, bright shades will look good on dark-skinned brunettes, and on the contrary, light-skinned blondes, such colors will not work at all. Carefully examine your figure, because seemingly insignificant, at first glance, details can unfavorably emphasize your flaws. So, a bright belt on the background of a suit of neutral colors will visually make your waist much wider.

Never save on buying a bright accessory, because. such things often look much cheaper than their real price. Therefore, purchase only high-quality accessories from well-known reliable brands, because. they will grab the attention of others.

Be sure to get yourself a belt of an unusual color. For example, bright blue, red or green - it will perfectly fit into your wardrobe, creating a bright daytime look in combination with a shirt and jeans, and combined with a classic black suit, it will provide you with a stylish club look.

The older we get, the more we get used to finding the right clothes for us. At the very beginning of the journey, when we just need to update our wardrobe, we wander aimlessly through hypermarkets and buy just jeans, just a T-shirt or boots. How to choose clothes for a man, few people ask themselves such a question. Most often, we hear this from wives or girlfriends who, more than us men, pay attention to their appearance.

One way or another, a man also wears clothes, and in order to create your own style, you need to gain experience and understand what color suits you, what shape fits better. It's great when, in the days of the global Internet, we have the opportunity to review thousands of photos with dudes. But even armed with the way you like, you run the risk of either not finding suitable clothes in the store, or the clothes are not sewn according to your figure, or the cost of these clothes goes off scale. Has this happened to you?

So, let's figure out how to choose the right clothes for a man and highlight the main points that you need to pay attention to in the store.

How to choose clothes for a man

Gathering a wardrobe full of simple, classic and time-tested things, you will not only close the problem of an empty closet, but find yourself at the top of style. Why, you ask? The fact is that fashion trends come and go, but classics are always relevant. By investing in slightly more expensive classics, you are investing in a style that will be on trend for years to come.

I'll give you an example. This season (autumn - winter 2014) it is very fashionable to wear a coat with a fur collar and leather inserts. I'm not sure that such a coat will look interesting in 2-3 years. Another thing is a classic wool coat, Trench or Chesterfield. They will be relevant in 10 years.

Sticking to the classics does not mean renouncing fashion altogether. You can diversify your style with various accessories: a tie, a scarf or a pocket square in various colors and shades.

The concept of choosing classic clothes is interesting for two reasons:

1. When you buy classic clothes, you are investing in quality that will last a long time. Obviously, natural materials, which are more often used in tailoring classic clothes, are more expensive than synthetics. But, when we talk about the “basic wardrobe”, it makes more sense to buy one or two things for several years than to spend money on new “trend” clothes every year.
2. You can be calm about your stylish look, as most things will be interchangeable. Even dressing in the dark, you can't go wrong with the choice of coat or trousers.

There is an excellent aphorism: - "I'm not rich enough to buy cheap things" - that's what Baron Rothschild used to say in his time. If you are interested in reading who it is, then you are here.

10 things you should have in your wardrobe

With all of the above in mind, it is time to create a list of the top 10 must-haves to create a versatile men's wardrobe Suitable for both everyday use and going to any celebration. This wardrobe is suitable for both winter and summer; in any season you can choose the right clothes for yourself. Of course, I will mention clothing brands that you can pay attention to when going to the store, but this is not a panacea. Some brands suit one man but don't suit another at all.

All the basic classic things that we will list with you will help create a stylish image for the next 10-15 years of life. Some elements need to be changed after 5-7 years due to their wear, however, the general set will make a good investment in your personal image for many years.

1. Classic men's suit

I recommend purchasing gray or blue as they are the most versatile. It is customary to wear an absolutely black suit only for holidays, a very important business meeting or a funeral. In all other cases, a black suit will be out of place.

A few rules will help you choose the right size of the suit and understand whether it fits you: when putting on a jacket with a T-shirt (underwear) and a shirt, try to hug yourself. If you couldn’t hug, then the suit is too small for you. Next, try to sit down in trousers. If the suit is cracked at the seams or the trousers hang and bulge in all directions, the size is not yours.

As for the fit of the suit, it is better to choose a fitted English suit than a straight American one. Remember to make sure that the sleeves of the jacket are 1-1.5 centimeters shorter than the sleeves of the shirt. Sometimes wide models with short sleeves are sewn, which are suitable only for large men with not very long arms.

Stick to a classic style suit. Single-breasted jacket with 2 or 3 buttons, medium-width lapels and 2 slits (vents) at the back of the jacket. By the way, look at the material and which the suit is made of. It should be 100% wool from a thread of medium thickness (100-150 units). Such a suit can be worn all year round, while being durable enough to be worn weekly.

A three-piece suit, in which, in addition to a jacket and trousers, there is also a vest, is also suitable for purchase. In the top three, you can surely attend cultural events, such as a theater, for example. By the way, the jacket and trousers can be worn separately from each other. Trousers can be worn with knitwear, and a jacket can be worn with jeans and a shirt. The only thing is, try not to get carried away, as you can drag one thing, while practically not wearing another. Over time, the takat may change the shade of color, especially after dry cleaning.

Lookbook (external image)

Bolshevik, T.M.Lewin, Marks & Spencer, He By Mango; ZARA, but in the Russian Federation they deliver things of poor quality, in Europe and America the choice is much better.

Suitsupply, Reiss (must be ordered in England), Richard James, Charles Tyrwhitt (must be ordered in England, France or USA), Massimo Dutti, Henderson.

Armani, Brioni, Burberry, Canali, Gieves & Hawkes (must be ordered in England, Japan or the USA), Paul Smith (England).

2. Dress shirt

An important element of men's wardrobe is a classic shirt. For the best look, you should carefully choose the cut of the shirt for your physique. I recommend taking a closer look at Slim-Fit shirts with a classic mid-length collar. Ideally, the shoulder seams should be the same width as your shoulders. The collar should not squeeze the neck too much when you fasten the top button. There should be 2 fingers between the collar and the neck, so before buying, you should make sure that the fingers fit through without effort. Sleeves should end near your knuckle, where your thumb begins. Remember that the sleeve of the shirt should peek out a little from under the sleeve of the jacket.

The best universal colors for a dress shirt are white and light blue. As for the length of the shirt, it should be sufficient so as not to get out from under the tucked-in trousers. It all depends on your height. I recommend choosing cuffs with the ability to wear cufflinks (next to the buttons there should be a cut - this is the hole for the cufflinks).

What to wear with a dress shirt? It can be worn both with a suit and with jeans to work or for a walk in the park. A white shirt is a versatile option. The only thing is that after several dozen washes, the shirt may turn yellow and lose its presentable appearance. Use special bleach or laundry detergent.

Lookbook (external image)

Uniqlo, T. M. Lewin, Next, Henderson.

Jaeger, Reiss, Suitsupply, Jigsaw (will have to order in England).

Eton, Kilgour, Hackett, Charvet, Richard James, Turnbull & Asser.

3. Men's T-shirt

Your wardrobe should have at least 2-3 T-shirts in different colors. T-shirts should be solid, neutral colors: gray, beige, dark blue, white, burgundy, dark green and so on. Pink and blue t-shirts are not universal, so I do not recommend them for purchase in the first place. The T-shirt should be practically tight-fitting, without hanging pieces of fabric and incomprehensible XXXXXL size, like a seller from Central Asia. Sleeves should be short in summer and long in winter (if you are cold).

The length of the T-shirt should be such that it ends at the waist, in the area of ​​\u200b\u200bthe belt. The collar must be regular, semi-circular or V-neck, without buttons. T-shirts are perfect for jeans and a sports blazer (this is a jacket with patches in the elbows). You won't find a better image. .

Lookbook (external image)

Uniqlo, ASOS, Gap, MEXX, American Apparel, Next.

Hanro, Zimmerli, Sunspel, Derek Rose, James Perse.

Tight jeans, we mean not completely tight, but slightly narrowed. This is important, since completely tight ones are only suitable for schoolchildren or teenagers, where it is customary to wear clothes within their subculture.

If you want to buy good jeans, then be sure to get selvedge jeans. Translated from English, "selvedge" means "natural edge", which is formed along the edges of jeans after processing on a loom. These jeans are not only high quality and durable, they are recognized as reference in the fashion world. At first, these jeans will restrict movement a little, but after a while it will seem to you that they were sewn especially for you.

Never buy jeans with any kind of embellishment, patches, or half-knee holes! Leave it to mods and informals.

It is better to choose a classic color - light blue with scuffs or dark blue / indigo. Such colors will always be in fashion, and it is much easier to choose a T-shirt or shirt for such jeans than for green or burgundy ones.

Lookbook (external image)

Wrangler, Uniqlo, ASOS, Cheap Monday, Dr Denim, Carhartt, Tommy Hilfiger.

Nudie Jeans, Levi's, Edwin, Evisu, Lee.

Diesel, A.P.C., Acne, J Brand, Jean Shop, Saint Laurent.

5. V-Neck Jumper

A jumper is perhaps the best solution for warming up in cold autumn or winter. It looks great with a shirt, especially when paired with a tie or bow tie. The jumper looks great with both jeans and trousers.

The best colors for a men's wardrobe are, as usual, classic: black, gray, dark blue, dark brown. By the way, for winter it is better to choose a jumper from natural merino wool or sheep's wool. It would be even better to opt for cashmere, but such a jumper will cost a lot. In the summer months, a jumper made of cotton or a mixture of linen and wool is suitable.

Lookbook (external image)

Uniqlo, He By Mango, Selected Homme.

Tommy Hilfiger, Reiss, T.M.Lewin, Suitsupply, Ted Baker.

John Smedley, Johnstons of Elgin, Loro Piana, Paul Smith, Zegna.

6. Dark blue blazer

A classic piece of men's clothing that everyone should have in their closet is a navy blue blazer. You can go to a party or a business meeting in it. The classic version of the blazer is single-breasted, has 2 copper buttons and, of course, has a deep blue color. The length of the blazer should be such that the bottom hem is at the level of the tip of your thumb if you put your hand down.

As with a suit jacket, the blazer should fit you and allow you to move freely. The blazer must be fitted. The shoulders of the blazer should exactly repeat the width of your shoulders, and the length of the sleeves should be at the level a little further away from the beginning of the thumb, about 1-1.5 cm. Remember, the shirt should peek out a little from under the sleeves of the blazer. A blazer, like a jacket, should be worn with the bottom button unbuttoned so that your movements are natural and do not restrict movement.

Lookbook (external image)

He By Mango, ASOS, T.M.Lewin.

Tommy Hilfiger, Reiss, Suitsupply, Ted Baker, J. Crew, Massimo Dutti, Tiger of Sweden, Oliver Spencer.

A.P.C., Paul Smith, Gant, Sandro, Richard James, Boglioli, Etro.

7. Chinos

For a trip to work on a Friday or a meeting with friends, only chinos are better than jeans. It is especially interesting to wear them with a blazer and a T-shirt. The best, and at the same time, universal colors will be: dark blue, khaki, gray and classic beige. The material from which chinos are made is cotton, so you can’t go wrong in choosing the composition.

If you want to dress interestingly, then in addition to trousers, put on a button-down shirt, pick up a knitted or thin tie, a jacket and complete the look with classic men's shoes. This image and style will be positively assessed by others, rest assured. You can read more about men's pants / trousers here.

Lookbook (external image)

How to choose the right man. Important! Science has proven that our female DNA does not have a built-in algorithm for finding and choosing a partner. For women it is very difficult. We do not have enough strength, energy, or determination. Therefore, describing the portrait of the man of your dreams is simply meaningless for women. This is more of a masculine linear way. Men know what kind of woman they want to see next to them and what kind of woman they want to see as the mother of their children so that their genetics will be embodied in the best possible way.

We have a different task, from the point of view of biology. We need to choose a partner with whom we feel safe for ourselves and our offspring. And from this point of view, it is clear why love is conceived by nature. It's like a woman's way of tying a man for a better life for the children.

Of course, in the modern world, when enough women are able to take care of themselves, children and even men, this seems unnecessary. But, in fact, from the point of view of physiology and biology, there are no changes at all. We are the same as we were hundreds of thousands of years ago. And we are governed by the same instincts that evolve more slowly than the world changes. In every woman, nature itself has a simply ingenious solution that allows her and her offspring to adapt to external conditions.

How to choose the right man. We do not seek and we do not choose. We sift and filter.

That is, our thinking is arranged in such a way that looking at a man, we think not about how to give him away faster, but about what is in him to refuse him. Therefore, all the ideas of HOW TO CHOOSE A MAN CORRECTLY and hunting for men contradict nature itself and cause neuroses in women. The very path of femininity is to simply be attractive to men and have a choice.

Just think how ingenious and natural it is! And our critical look at men is exactly the right process.

You look and think, “What is wrong with him? Why should I be with him? What are his defects, shortcomings? “I want it just because I’m ovulating? Or do I like it on other days too? ;)” And only then, understanding the whole objective picture, understanding and seeing a man as he is, you ask yourself “And given all this, do I want to fuck him? Do I want to entrust myself and my offspring to him?

This, by the way, is not only characteristic of women, many animal s @ mki filter out s @ mts in the same way. It is clear that only after a man has passed all the tests of your "filtration", you are ready to trust him. Moreover, these tests can take place both on a conscious and, most likely, on an unconscious level. Once he has shown his willingness, you let him into your life.

It was all from the point of view of biology and physiology. But we are social and conscious beings. Therefore, many different components intervene in natural selection. And the choice of women is very much shifted in favor of the social.A huge number of women come to me with the desire to marry a wealthy and successful man. The very idea of ​​marrying a rich man seems to fit into the general system of security and survival of the clan.

BUT…

There is indeed a very strong “but” in the criteria and choice of this particular path. I'm not talking about women from the category with "sweet and heaven in a hut" and for whom it is enough that he "did not drink and did not beat." I understand perfectly well that women's ambitions are a natural process of development, both for a woman and for her man. Therefore, many see the result of satisfaction in the search for a wealthy partner.

I have been convinced more than one hundred times that this is almost always a losing option.

How many times do I hear similar stories, when a man meets a woman in a luxury Lexus or an executive class Mercedes, they have an sx right in the same car, and then it turns out that this is a car on credit or a boss. And marriage, because the man has a house, which, as it turned out later, is the house of his older brother. And a chic apartment, expensive gifts, and then it turns out that the person is superficial, he constantly has a new woman, and a void sets in, in which you understand that you will never be the only one for him.

She chose only outwardly attractive and athletic men, and then she realized that the man was emotionally unbalanced and immature, and was not going to change his bachelor lifestyle at all for her sake. And the majority of women, choosing men, just concentrate their attention. Does he have a car, apartment, education, experience in relationships with women, taste and style in clothes, appearance.

And it's very sad!

When I was in London, I was simply amazed at what women came up with to get into the elite Kitsch club, and the main goal was to leave with some of the men that very evening to impress him with striptease and sexy skill and tie him in this way to yourself. It ALWAYS ended in nothing. Or there was no sx at all. Or the man just p @ had this girl, thanked her and never called again.

Men are not as stupid as many women would like to see them. And although the main driving force for men is sx, they choose a partner for long-term relationships by more than one criterion.

And women need to “filter” more carefully. Understand that a lot depends on your choice. Yes, almost everything can be fixed, and unsuccessful marriage and dissatisfaction with relationships and unnecessary random sex.

But what is important to pay real attention to is the potential of the individual.

A woman can always explain to a man why the Porsche Cayenne is better than the subway. And a house is better than an apartment. And why traveling is more enjoyable than watching TV.

But this is a different job. This needs to be learned. The male way does not work here. Here you need to learn how to inspire, you need to be valuable, so that a man just wants to do everything for you. You love him, you don't ask, but you have desires and ambitions. And he understands the value of your love for him and you personally. He understands that it is you who show him a better life, a new quality. And it is important for him that his genetic lineage evolves. And that's exactly why he needs you.

A man will always find a way to satisfy all your needs. As in skse, near @ sti, and in the material world. I would not like to talk about the criteria for choosing a man. In fact, they don't exist. But there is one thing I want to focus on.

1. It is important to understand that intelligence, the ability to concentrate on a specific task, responsibility, interest, the ability to bring things to the end, the desire to grow and develop (in one's field) are very important qualities for determining a man's potential.

2. His attitude towards life in general.

Is he a pessimist or an optimist?

In fact, for a career and self-realization, this is not so important. But living with a pessimistic person may not be so comfortable. You just realize it and don't change it.

One woman told me how she showed love to her husband. She just thought that gives him LOVE. Every morning for 18 years, she told him "Good morning, my love!" To which he answered her, grumbling under his breath, “Morning is never good!”

And now she was proud that after 18 years he began to answer “Good morning!”

When I asked her, “Why didn’t you try all this time to leave him alone until he sorted out his morning on his own?” She answered me: “I wanted to teach him to love.” She remained silent and understood everything. Woman smart. Returned passion to the relationship, simply by seeing the needs of a partner.

3. Your intuition and attraction.

This is a very, very important selection criterion.

But..

If you really like a man, and all your acquaintances, friends, his friends say that you are "not a couple." Take a closer look. What exactly do you not notice and whether you can get along with it in the future. And vice versa. If you absolutely do not like a man, but everyone says that this is just an ideal option. Give him a chance. Well, give love, receive love, and let this world become better, happier and kinder through you and your happy relationships. Put "LIKE" and write in the comments what filtering criteria you use.

The site "Sunny Hands" is aimed at ensuring that a woman can build a strong relationship with a man, so that these same relationships do not fall apart due to elementary mistakes. At the same time, naturally, I assume that the man with whom the woman builds relationships is at least elementarily suitable for her.

And such an emphasis, when 95% of the articles are aimed at building relationships, and not selecting a man, in my opinion, is justified. After all, whatever you say, but most men are the most ordinary. (Although you don’t need to tell them this. After all, everyone considers himself unique and such that not a single rule applies to him).

However, if you choose the wrong man, then building a relationship with him is completely impossible. If the choice is really wrong, then any knowledge of male psychology and any efforts are meaningless. All efforts will be broken by the wrong choice.

So, the conclusion is obvious, you need to learn how to choose men. I don't think any woman has any desire to spend years of effort on something that in the end will only lead to pain and disappointment. And after you have chosen a man, you need to learn how to avoid a number of mistakes. I wrote about them in detail in the book. "23 mistakes with men".

I will immediately answer the frequently encountered objection, which can be heard directly, or through the script of the film or the plot of the book.

Allegedly, a woman may have selection criteria, but when she falls in love with a man, she forgets about these criteria. And since a woman forgets about her criteria during falling in love, then these very criteria should not be developed and learned to use them.

What can I say?

Firstly If a woman says and writes one thing about her ideal man, but falls in love with a completely different one, then she simply does not know herself. That is, if a woman writes to herself or tells others that she likes calm and reliable men, but falls in love with scoundrels, then she simply does not fully understand her desires. And the main desires, as you know, are in our subconscious and we often do not fully understand what is in this subconscious. But your subconscious can be studied and changed.

Secondly, a happy family depends on mutual love by 20-30 percent, no more. Therefore, if a woman fell in love and did not marry the man of her dreams, but then does everything more or less correctly, then there is a high probability of true love and successful long-term relationships. If a woman constantly falls in love with completely unsuitable men, then it is all the more necessary for her to learn to identify these unsuitable ones. After all, if you fall in love with the wrong people all the time, then how to build a happy family life?

How to choose a man?

First, listen carefully to what and how the man says.

The rule here is: If a man says he won't do it, then most likely he will.. (Or generally silent on some topic).

First example When a man says that he will create a great business, that he will become rich, that he is ..., then it is far from a fact that he will succeed. After all, in order to succeed, one desire is clearly not enough. You also need certain qualities of character, a certain technology, etc.

But if a man says that he is absolutely not interested in business, that he always wants to work for someone, that he cannot become a businessman, or even that he is satisfied with living at a living wage, then there is a 95% probability that this will be the case.

After all, if a person does not want anything and does not strive for anything, then, with the rarest exception, he will have nothing. And do not think that you can convince him and remake him. Of course, it is possible that a man's worldview will change, that he will become more ambitious, including under the influence of a woman, but this is rare. Usually a man already has some ambitions, but lacks self-confidence, which a woman often gives him.

The second example is closer to the topic. A man says that he will marry a woman. It's not certain that this will actually happen, but it's a good sign to start with. (Of course, if he does not say this in the course of seduction to lure a woman into bed. If so, then there is a high probability that the man’s words are nothing more than shaking the air).

However, if a man says that he will never marry, that all men who have married are fools, and that a single lifestyle is the best for a man, then most likely it is.

Women who do not believe these words and believe that they can marry such a man are almost 100% mistaken. And again, I'm not saying that a man won't change his beliefs. It is possible that in 5 years he will begin to think differently. Perhaps in 5 years he will marry.

But are you ready to wait these 5 years? And will this man marry you or another woman in five years, that is the question. Of course, such cases with a happy ending do happen. But this is rare enough, like winning in lottery, which you should not even count on.

In total, if a man says that he will do something, then maybe it will happen, or maybe not. If a man is sharply negative about something, then he most likely will not do it.

There are very few James Bonds who do, but are silent about their exploits and do not show off to women in real life.

What to do with this rule? If we return to the first example, where money is not important for a man, meditation or something else is important to him, and he is quite satisfied with living at the subsistence level, that is, extreme poverty. However, another rule of life says that "Love passes, but you want to eat every day." Therefore, if you marry such a man, have children, and then, naturally, tired of lack of money and the fact that you work hard, you begin to demand that the man start earning money, then he can quite rightly tell you that he warned you .

After all, he actually warned you that a cup of rice a day, some torn pants and a sofa were enough for him. (Well, maybe even a TV or a computer game) What else do you want from him? Do you want him to earn three cups of rice a day? Well, let it go.

Therefore, if you want a man to provide your future family with at least the very minimum of material comfort, then such a man, of course, does not suit you. Again, I am not suggesting that you marry for money. Just understand that a happy family life and a chronic need for money do not mix well, no matter how you learn other rules of family life.

In the second example, if you want to get married, then a man who does not want to get married and openly declares this is also clearly not suitable. And vice versa, if you don’t want to get married (really don’t want to), which is quite rare among women, then such a man may well suit you. He obviously will not distract you from your career and pester you with marriage proposals, etc.

After reading the first rule, it may seem to you that I am saying quite obvious things, such as that the earth is flat and that the sun revolves around the earth. However, life says quite the opposite. The simplest things are far from obvious, and even if they are obvious in theory, they are not applied in practice. Put into practice the obvious things and life will immediately become easier.

Second, look at what the man is doing.

If a man wants to do something or achieve something in words, then this is not bad. However, words are one thing, but actions and real results are another.

Carefully look at the actions of men in general in life and in relation to you in particular. A man's words will give you some basis for what a man won't do, but a faint indication of what he can do.

Only by actions and results can a person be completely correctly assessed. A correct understanding of actions, of course, requires a certain life experience, but if you practice little by little, you will soon learn to separate empty talk from actions.

In total, the rule is that only by the actions of a man can one more or less reliably determine what he really is.

I have met many people in my life who had an extraordinary talent for telling beautiful stories about how they would do something. These stories they could tell me and, of course, women. If you listen to their magical stories, it seems that the fairy tale has practically come true. You just need to give this person money or, if we are talking about a woman, then love.

As a rule, such men have some kind of charm, charisma and self-confidence, otherwise no one would listen to them and believe them.

However, some time passes, and we see that there is no result. This usually does not bother the "storyteller" at all, and he continues to tell another "tale" as if nothing had happened.

Therefore, the charm of a man is a wonderful quality, but still the focus should be on the actions of a man, not his words!

For example, you want to determine whether a man likes you or not. The words of men here are not at all an indicator for this. Indeed, in this situation, men never tell the truth, but lie more or less (and those who do not lie and do not embellish reality are not needed by women).

Therefore, we need a more accurate criterion to separate those who really like you from those who are just flirting out of boredom and not averse to having sex if given the opportunity.

And this criterion is only the actions of a man. I repeat once again that any words of men should not be taken as an indicator that he likes a woman. Such criteria can only be his actions.

What are the actions of a man? It would seem, what is easier. Actions - this is when a man invited a woman to dinner, actions - this is when a man gives gifts, actions - this is when a man in communication with a woman's girlfriends managed to impress them, right?

No, not true. Those are the kind of actions I had in mind. If a man does what is described above, then this is more a result of training, when a man learned what a woman likes in the first meetings, than an indicator that he really likes a woman. (Although it will go along with other actions).

In short, it's usually:

- an attempt to help a woman in a given situation;

- actions to be with her (solves housing problems, saves and buys an apartment);

- changes in some habits in oneself or even character traits that are unpleasant for her (becomes more accurate, washes more often, stops swearing in front of a woman, etc.);

- achieving success in the area that is important for a particular woman;

- a normal response to the refusal of sex in the first 1-5 meetings.

Now, if we return to success or other other achievements. Achieving some success in life also requires action. And not just actions, but these actions should be long in time, quite intense, and, in addition, the ability to learn is important.

Is your potential or existing man capable of such actions? Does he achieve any results in life? It is better, of course, that these results be caused precisely by his actions, and not only by external pressure. (For example, as in sports they are largely caused by external pressure from the coach. Or as in education, when parents pay for a university and force their child to study).

It is not even necessarily about outstanding results. But a man must be able to put effort into something for at least a few months in order to achieve something in life.

A few more examples of how to choose a man and what you should pay attention to when choosing a man.

- If a man communicates too much with his parents, especially with his mother (it doesn’t matter if they have a good relationship or not), if he blames others for all his failures, then most likely he is a psychological child by development.

It will be quite difficult to lean on such a man in life and get support from him. To some extent, this is fixable if he is still young and he is 20-25 years old, but if he is more than 30, then it is already much more difficult.

- If a man is rude to you, then most likely he does not respect you. Of course, the rudeness of rudeness is different. Periodic skirmishes occur in any family. But if this is an ordinary situation for your relationship, and at the same time a man shows rudeness and outright rudeness, then he does not respect the woman or has ceased to respect her for some reason. Why this happens is another question, but the fact remains.

- If a man responds to your requests for help and is ready to spend his time, money and nerves on you, then this means that he most likely likes you.

As a result, words are already something. Words are better than nothing at all. However, words remain just words. And you can understand what a man is only by his actions.

Interpreting the actions of a man to women is sometimes not as easy as it seems. After all, men sometimes act completely illogically, by the standards of women. (For example, they are silent when they are not offended at all, etc.). But nevertheless, there are standard sets of actions by which one can understand that a man likes a woman, that a man will become more or less wealthy, that a man is ready to marry, that a man is jealous, that a man is an extreme egoist in life, etc.

Study these steps.

I immediately warn you that you do not need to rush from one extreme to another. The words of men, of course, are always different from what he does in reality. Of course, far from all plans are being implemented, far from everything turns out from what he said. Even the most successful men, according to their estimates, they get about 30-40% of the planned. But 40% or even 20% might already be good. (Of course, we are not talking about everyday promises, such as, for example, how to come on a date, but about life plans for several years ahead. A promise to come on a date should be kept in 99% of cases).

Third, common values.

I understand values ​​in the broadest sense of the word. These are habits, morality, attitude to life, life experience before meeting, common acquaintances, etc.

It is very difficult to live together in the same apartment for two people who have completely different values. If the values ​​are still different, then first one, and then the other partner will constantly and unconsciously “step on” the sore points of the other, and not even understand what is happening. And then someone, more often a woman, can get tired of it.

For example, a woman believes that while eating, you need to hold a fork in your left hand and a knife in your right (or vice versa, it doesn’t matter), but for a man, the most delicious meat is when it is eaten with hands and at the same time smacked with pleasure. If for a woman it doesn’t matter how a man eats, then this is one thing, but if it is important for her to observe these, in her opinion, minimum rules of etiquette (it is a value), and the behavior of a man is disgusting, then living together between them will be very difficult. Three times a day, a man will make a woman uncomfortable, a woman will be offended or even swear, and everyone will consider himself right.

If you think that because of such “little things” people don’t quarrel and don’t disagree, then you either don’t know life well, or you revolve in a very narrow circle where all people are alike (not in character, of course, but in values) .

As you probably already understood, not just some rule of life leads to conflict between men and women, but only if one of them considers this rule to be very important for some reason and does not want to change their views.

What other examples can be given?

- A woman may believe that she should be the most important for a man, and a man may believe that first the parents, and then the wife. (This may not necessarily be manifested in words, more often in deeds, when your partner is not on your side, but takes the position of parents).

- A woman believes that it is necessary to be as honest with people as possible, and a man believes that only fools live without deceit and, at any suitable moment, substitutes their friends and partners without any remorse.

- A woman believes that it is permissible for a man to drink one hundred grams of vodka once every 2 months, and a man believes that it is permissible to drink a bottle of vodka twice a week.

Now an example of a conversation between a man and a woman with different values.

- Darling, Why are my socks under the armchair a disaster, and your flowers living all over the apartment in compressed pieces of dirt are an element of the interior?

Why does an empty pot in the refrigerator surprise you, but do you think it’s normal to pour the soup from a large pot first into a medium one, then into a small one, and finally into a bowl?

Why do you ask me to take you to meet my friends and then whine that you're bored and tired and want to go home?

Where did you get your confidence that from birth I have a diploma in electrician and plumber?

Why do you snort contemptuously when you see Seagal in an action movie on the TV screen and are mortally offended that I don’t want to watch some regular melodrama with you?

Why do you get so annoyed when I look into the pots and take food out of it and get so angry if I'm not interested in your cooking?

(As you probably already guessed - this is a joke, but quite a life one).

I won't give any more examples. And so it is clear that there may be a couple of hundred of them. Because of any of this reason, as you probably already understood, quarrels, irritation and even divorce can arise. Strong quarrels or not, depends on how important the man or woman considers these values.

People with different values ​​(mentality) are not interested in talking to each other, they can constantly get annoyed with each other over “little things”, it is difficult for them to move towards something together, etc. At the same time, separately, a man and a woman can be quite good people, but it will be difficult for them to live together.

When falling in love, it seems that different values ​​\u200b\u200bare not important. However, strong love passes in a year or two, and then different values ​​​​come to the fore and begin to lead the happiness of a man and a woman.

Now back to choosing a man. If your potential man is radically different from you in relation to life, values, mentality, previous experience, etc., then it will be very, very difficult for you to live together, if at all possible. This must be understood. If it's about sex, love, dating for a period of several months, then it may not be so important, but if it's about family life, then think twice.

There are several options for behavior if the values ​​are very different. The first is not to get close to men whose values ​​are completely different from yours. This is, if possible, the best and correct way. The second way is to completely adapt to a man and change your ideas about life. This is not very easy, especially if the woman is already over 30 years old. I myself have never met with a complete restructuring of human values ​​in my life, but I read stories on the Internet of women who married Turkish women, etc. men, where they learned to resemble Muslim women in behavior and appearance and did not even seem to feel discomfort from this.

The third way is the alteration of the man's values. This option is partially possible, but even a partial alteration of values ​​is usually a long and painful process.

The simplest thing is not to create problems for yourself, which then will need to be solved for years and cannot always be solved. Find men with similar values ​​for yourself and you will make your life dozens of times easier.

How to identify the values ​​of a person? This is usually quite simple. A person with different values, even if you like them, is usually perceived as "alien". You do not understand him at all, it is clear that he does not fully understand you either, this person may be offended for reasons that you do not understand, etc. (Of course, distinguish misunderstanding due to the different psychology of men and women and different values).

In addition, you can talk to him on various topics, from attitudes towards parents, household chores, raising children, about films and books that he reads and you can understand that he is completely different. (Not a different character and even hobbies, please note. This is just often good, but different in worldview).

In total, if a man is fundamentally different from you in terms of values, then he is most likely not suitable for you. And the older you and the man are, the less flexible, the stronger and stronger this rule is.

Of course, these criteria are not limited to what needs to be considered when choosing a man, but the article turned out to be too long anyway. Therefore, I decided to write the second part of the article, read “How to choose a man? Which men are not suitable for a long-term relationship. (Part 2)"?

Sincerely, Rashid Kirranov.